Holiday Anxiety - Blogmas Day 2

Hey Babes! 

Happy Blogmas Day 2! Today, we’re talking about my favorite subject... me. 

Well, more specifically my festive holiday anxiety. 

If you weren’t already aware, like millions of people, I have general anxiety and the holidays really ramp that shit up. I actually really loved the Christmas season when I was a little kid and teenager, but I've found that as I've gotten older, that's not necessarily the case. I become over whelmed more often from November through December and it sucks. 

Unfortunately, it’s very normal to feel anxious or stressed out during this time of year. The holidays are commercialized as this magical, happy, cheery time filled with bliss, but for many people it’s not quite like that. And that's okay. For example, I overthink and second guess myself when I have to purchase presents, even though I have lists from the people I’m shopping for. Not only do I have lists from loved ones, but I also do pretty extensive research before I go shopping, and even with that preparation, I still worry that they won’t like my gift, that it won’t be what they wanted or that it won’t be good enough. 

The mall is almost always a nightmare. Stores are over crowded with people pushing, shoving and breathing down your fucking neck. Not to mention the clusters of teenagers congregating in the middle of the fucking corridors in the malls whilst they slurp down their seasonal Frappuccino’s. Then there’s the "Karens" who are holding up the already long line so they can argue with the cashier over an expired coupon or a price adjustment of thirty cents. And that extra waiting time in line leads me to overthink and overanalyze every detail of the item I'm in line to purchase.

Christmas is also financially draining. Seeing my funds deplete sends me into a spiral. Presents, boxes and wrapping paper all add up and don’t forget about holiday activities! Ice skating, snow tubing, Christmas villages, and light shows all cost money in addition to whatever goodies you purchase while there. This holiday season is probably even more tense for most people due to financial and emotional stress as a result of the on going pandemic. 

But while all of this might send someone to a Betty Ford, none of the above is what really pushes me over the edge. While I don’t know where all of my general anxiety stems from, I do know that the bulk of my festive anxiety stems from my need to make everything perfect. There is something inside of me, that switches on during the holiday season or while preparing for a gathering or party, that wants every detail to be picturesque. I mean, I make a beautiful charcuterie board for Thanksgiving and I don’t even eat cheese! That is how insane I am. 

I am a planner and an over-thinker and when life does not go according to my detailed list, I become unhinged. In my mind, I want fresh powdery snow on Christmas morning, a fire place burning, Christmas music playing softly in the background and hot cocoa to sip on while everyone opens up their gifts. Think Martha May Whovier sprinkled with a little Hallmark movie magic. 

It is more than want, I feel the need or urge to make every moment flawless. Movies and commercials make Christmas and the holiday season this uber magical time of year where families gather in matching outfits to bake and build those perfect gingerbread houses. (Which never turn out that way, BTW!) They’ve got snow, mistletoe, and happiness that isn’t fueled by alcohol or drugs and I know it’s all bullshit. But, cheesy Netflix and Hallmark movies make me feel like it’s not all bullshit. Like people really have those kinds of lives. It makes me feel like that level of scripted perfection is attainable. 

I unfortunately still don’t know how to shut that crazy control freak part of my brain off. It also doesn’t help when I scroll through social media and see influencer’s immaculately wrapped presents, their aesthetically pleasing trees decorated with perfectly mis-matched ornaments, and their obviously staged “candid” photographs. That insane part of my brain, is like, “see the perfect holiday does exist”, even though logically, I know it doesn’t. 

So, how do I avoid a total festive mental breakdown? 

Truthfully, sometimes I can’t avoid being sad or stressed during the holiday season. I’m human. I try my best to rationalize with my irrational inner monologue. I know that perfection isn't attainable, but my brain still doesn't quite compute that notion. I work on reminding myself that you can’t control other people’s emotions or reactions. I also try to focus on how good my life is instead of how it could look “better” on social media. I take breaks from people, social gatherings and social media so I can let my mind and body reboot. I do also firmly believe that it is especially important to not be an asshole to other people, because you genuinely don't know what someone is going through. The holidays are hard enough without making an innocent bystander feel like shit because you're in a bad mood. 

I also know that it is imperative that those who feel overwhelmed, anxious or depressed know that they aren't alone. I do believe that we all probably need to remind ourselves that Christmas and the holiday season aren’t just about presents and keeping up with your friends or influencers on social media. There is the obvious religious significance, but I think it’s also a time to be  kind and generous to others. It’s a time to appreciate the little things! 

So, do you get an extra dose of anxiety during the holiday season or are you as cool as a cucumber? What sends you over the edge and how do you combat those emotions? 

xoxo, 

Kelly