Losing B

Hey Babes. 

If I’m being honest this past week has been absolutely horrible. On Friday, March 19, 2020 after almost nine years together, my parents and I said goodbye to our chocolate lab Bailey at home. While I have lost a pet before and I remember being devastated, I don’t remember this hollow feeling in my chest or having an aching pit in my stomach. If you’ve ever lost a pet before, then you know how much it hurts. They aren’t just an animal, but a beloved member of your family. 

A part of me was nervous to publish this draft, because I’m aware that people have it worse and have experienced “real loss” or are going through things that are far more painful than losing a pet. But, I also know that I am often guilty of minimizing and invalidating my own pain and frustrations. So, I decided to share this post with all of you because on this platform, I am my most unfiltered true self and these are my real feelings. 

Bailey’s health took a turn in October and all of a sudden, she couldn’t walk well or pick herself up. She wasn’t interested in her toys or playing with us and we were scared. We put her on a diet, tried medications, vitamins, used a heat pack on her hips and even massaged them to alleviate the muscle pain. Thankfully, it seemed to work and Bailey recovered well, but never fully. 

From late November through the end of February she was able to go on walks, gently play tug of war, get on the couch to cuddle and even climb the stairs at night to sleep on my parent’s floor. With her arthritis, she had good days and bad days but she still had her playful spirit. My favorite part of Bailey having good days was that she was able to get up and greet us at the door again. 

Maybe it happened slowly overtime, but it seemed like we woke up one day and she had just gotten so much worse. No matter what we tried, it just wasn’t working. She wasn’t able to pick herself up, she’d growl because of the pain, her eyes and ears were a pinky red color, she was out of breath, and she couldn’t stand to eat her food or drink her water. We had to guide her with a trail of treats so she’d army crawl onto a blanket, then we’d take her on a magic carpet ride to the door, where we would then nudge her out the door and help her walk by harnessing a towel under her hips, just so she could go to the bathroom. Sometimes, we’d do all of that and she would just lay down in the grass from exhaustion. That’s when we knew it was time. That’s when we knew she was suffering and had lost her quality of life. 

The most painful part was that mentally she was there, but her body had stopped working. My mom contacted Lap of Love and they were able to euthanize Bailey at home. Honestly, it was the most peaceful ending for her. We didn’t have to stress about getting her into the car, she wasn’t the least bit anxious and she was surrounded by her favorite people in her favorite place. 

While it wasn’t easy to say goodbye to the sweetest pup I’ve ever known, I was comforted in knowing she was no longer hurting. If it is an option for your ailing pet, I would 100% recommend Lap of Love for you and your precious animal. 

How I’m Doing Now 

It still feels like someone is missing. I catch myself looking for her in her usual spots, I tear up when I see her ottoman or her collar hanging on the door. I even miss the sound of her nails click clacking on the floor. To put it bluntly, it fucking sucks. For the past couple of months taking care of her was a huge part of my daily routine and now I feel a little lost. I have a ton of memories and photos to remind me of her, but it’s really hard. 

I’m sure that time will heal the pain and I know that once we get her ashes it will feel like she’s home with us. So, if you’ve got a pet give them an extra squeeze or treat from me because I so wish I could have one more good day with Bailey to give her a cuddle. 

xoxo, 

Kelly